Flame Zone Or Friend Zone–How To Tell The Difference

When it comes to DATING, there may be times you seem to strike it rich and find the proverbial pot-o-gold at the end of the double rainbow. But, then, there are other times when you just have to let your “Higher Self” (or as Gabrielle Bernstein calls it–your “ING”) give it to you straight! I recently had the following conversation with my “ING” (“INNER GUIDANCE SYSTEM”); that conversation ejected one guy from “flame zone” to “friend zone”.

Jodi (insert your name): “Oh, wow, (insert guy’s name) is so cool! He’s super creative, musical, an amazing writer, and even after that long time-lapse, our meet-up in the City must’ve been impressionable enough for him to want to reconnect! It’s fun thinking about all the things we could do together!”

My Higher-Evolved Self: “Hold up! Wait a minute, sister. Let’s take a step back, and take a deeper look at everything. So, you two go out in the City, have great conversation, laugh, seem to have a lot in common, and a connection?”

Jodi: “Yeah…that’s pretty much how it went in a nutshell. Dreamy, right?!”

MHES: “Not so fast…Let’s look at the facts (prior emails), and compare them to patterns you’re seeing now.”

Jodi: “Okay. Well, his last email, more than a year  ago, contained the standard day-after-meeting verbiage…ya know the–“It was a pleasure to meet you…kinda thing”. Then, I sent him another link, to which he said he’d take a look later, but then I never heard from him again…well, until the end of January…this year.”

MHES: “And did he ever say anything about the link you sent more than a year ago? No! Do you think he ever even glanced at it, or gave it another thought? I’ll answer that for you. No! If a gentleman really cares what a woman has to say or share with him, not only will he read or listen to it, he will comment on it, or begin deliberating about it with her. So, he could’ve completely hated what you sent him, BUT you would’ve known he read it because he would’ve purposefully mentioned it. There’s no excuse in the world that could come between a man, and a woman he cares about. But, you already know that,”

Jodi: “Ugh, why do you have to be right all the time?! Can’t I bask in my fantasies a bit longer and pretend he cares…I mean he keeps writing…or rather, responding…to the questions I ask him. Aaaahhh, that seems even worse when I say it out loud. If my best friend or daughter were describing the same scenario to me. I’d laugh, and tell her: “You know you’re just an afterthought, a filler, an ego booster. You’ve pretty much given him permission to put you on a shelf whenever he feels like it, and then when he has time, take you down. Don’t be put on a shelf!”

MHES: “Exactly! That’s my girl! I’m glad someone’s waking up. Okay, here’s something else I want to bring to your attention. Notice that you are always the one sending him things that interest you, and engaging him with questions. He did that for about a month, with email; but with texting (which is a lot less effort and maintenance), there’s almost no engagement on his end. For all you know, he could be sending the same “good morning”, and “good evening” “😘” to a dozen other girls. There’s zero engagement. 

Jodi: “Yep, noticed, but was trying to ignore it…or maybe I was just in denial because I wanted it to be different.”

MHES: “Okay, well, I’m glad you noticed. But ignoring it or acting like it’s not happening is not going to make it change. Look, I think you two have a lot in common and admire things about the other; but perhaps you’re from different tribes, on different paths, and ultimately go about fulfilling your destinies in different ways. Then there’s always good ole Father Time. He’s definitely on a power trip when it comes to timing. It’s either his way or no way.”

Jodi: “I totally hear what you’re saying. Thank you for reminding me of these things. I tend to get caught up in “The Dream”, start future tripp’in, and can’t see the forest from the trees. I respect your wisdom.”

MHES: “You’re so welcome! You know I love you, and only want the best for my girl. Now, one more reminder. I swear it’s the last one, and then I’ll let you get your beauty sleep. What does the scenario look like when you know a gentleman really cares and he wants you to know he’s worthy of your trust?”

Jodi: “Okay, I got this! He demonstrates what you like to call the “slow burn”…where over time, he consistently and persistently demonstrates how his words and actions align with one another; and he continues to be excited to engage with you, in order to peel back each beautiful layer of your entire being. He’s present and shows up in your life. He doesn’t suddenly drop out of your life without any explanation, as that shatters trust…or as you like to call it putting on “the fireworks show”…at first it’s brilliant and you’re in awe, but as quickly as it explodes in the sky, it rapidly fizzles out, until it completely vanishes from sight.”

MHES: “You got it, girl! So, now what? How will you proceed with dear, (insert name)?”

Jodi: “I will be a gracious, kind, friend, and understand that we’re all on different parts of our journey in this Earth School. Equally, I will be grateful for the creative spark that (respective guy–insert name) reignited within me. I wasn’t sure I’d find it again; and if found, had no idea when, or how.”

MHES: “That’s really beautiful. The two of you reconnecting was well worth it, then. It seems, yet again, in a unique exchange, more than a lifetime of lessons have been reaffirmed and deeply imprinted on your heart.”

From this back-and-forth conversation with my “Higher-Evolved-Self”, it became crystal clear that this guy wasn’t really into me, nor demonstrated it (through his actions). Yet, up until that point, I had been making excuses for him. Here’s a little secret: holding out for what you really want, and how you really want to be treated, is worth the wait! I promise.

I encourage you to get real still, and listen to your “Higher-Evolved Self”, “ING”, or “Inner-GPS-System”, not just about dating, but about every nuance in your life. Let me tell you, from experience, “ING” will give it to you straight.

For more on the power of your “ING”, check out Gabrielle Bernstein’s YouTube Video here: https://youtu.be/PLI4Ugmgh_E

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Jodi believes that following your authentic truth is the key to self-fulfillment. She passionately seeks gems of wisdom- “Jodi’s Jems”-along her path. As a spiritual-knowledge-broker, she’s determined to find universal truths, from every part of the world, in hopes of giving rise to self-discovery, positive change, and a more fulfilling life. Through media-storytelling, provocative interviews, writing, and music, she’ll share life-changing ingredients to manifest the life you’ve always wanted. Taking this path has allowed Jodi to love, learn, and live more abundantly. She believes transforming an undesired path, to a path that resonates with your highest good, begins with self-inquiry and shifting your thoughts from fear to love. Jodi invites you to follow her on this journey–a journey that embraces love. Welcome to Jodi’s Jems!